Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
