i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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