the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
