he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
