I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
