I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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