Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
