Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
