probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
