i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
