did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
