this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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