He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
