Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
