my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
