what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
