she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
