She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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