i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
