Porn is love you can see.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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