too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
