my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
