i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
