the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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