i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
