she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
