Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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