so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sext me about skeletons
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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