shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
