Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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