Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
