Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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