you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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