I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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