I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
