i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
