His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
