eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
