Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
