I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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