The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
