honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
