yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
