wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
