I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
