i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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