Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
