we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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