problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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