I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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