he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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