he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
