apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wear drunk well.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
